Whacking through the jungle

Now, all last summer I took over the lawn mowing. My dad asked me to mow the lawn one time when I was younger. That's probably because when I got done, he looked over the work and decided that any other members of the family could do a much better job than me. When we were in Utah last summer, I mowed Mama B's lawn one and a half times. Only half because soon to be cousin-in-law, S, came out and took over. Again I don't know if it's because he was just being nice or if I just shouldn't mow lawn's. Well, B works all day. I didn't want him to come home and spend his evening mowing the lawn. So, I just do it. This year I had vowed the same vow, that I would mow the lawn so that when B gets home from work, I get to be with him instead of watching him through the window. Well, the first time I tried, I'm pretty sure that I almost blew the lawn mower up. I added gas, pulled the pull thingy and started to mow. White smoke started coming out of the engine area. I turned it off and did a full 10 seconds of brain storming. I thought that I should check the oil. When I pulled the dip stick out, it was basically dry. Being the handy person that I am, I added oil. Not just a little. I figured that the oil bottle was pretty small, so I would just add the entire bottle. In went all the oil. I did check it again with the dip stick and saw that it now had plenty of oil. I put the lid back on, pulled the pull thing and the oil lid went shooting skyward as oil rained down on the lawn, the lawn mower and me. I decided the lawn could wait to be mowed. B came home from work, I told him my blunder, he checked the oil and in a very nice way told me that I had added WAY too much oil. We scoured the Internet to learn how to drain off excess oil. The Internet is so handy! We drained off the oil, but now the pull thingy is all wonky. It gets stuck and so you go to pull it and it pulls out about 1/4 of the way and then just stops. I still try to mow the lawn but look like a total idiot whilst I try to start the stupid thing. I look bad enough that a couple weeks as I tried to start it, the guy that's going to live in the house that is being built across the street from us; was at the house site checking the progress of his house. He saw me trying to start the lawn mower. He yelled across the street,"I'll be there in a minute." As he walked over I told him that I broke it and that the pull thingy gets stuck. He came over and started it, of course, without any problem. Anyway, I have continued to fight the stuck pull thingy and mow the lawn. I usually mow it in the morning while little B is taking his nap. The other morning I was happily mowing along after taking 10 minutes to get it to start. Of course I forgot to check the gas level before I started and it ran out of gas half way through the jungle in the back. The grass grows fast here. I had been neglectful and had skipped a week. Bad idea folks! Not only is it now long enough that small animals are hiding in it, no that's not made up. There was a little bunny in the grass that jumped away truly terrified as the mower came roaring towards it. Anyway, so it's long and really thick. It's thick enough that if one doesn't dump the bag often, the mower will get clogged. Anyway it ran out of gas so I filled it up and dumped the bag so that it wouldn't get clogged and turn off again. I went to start it and it wouldn't turn on. Not because the pull thing was stuck and being annoying, which it was, but it just wouldn't turn on. I thought I had really broken it this time. I left the lawn half mowed feeling awful that we were going to have to get a new one because of me. A few hours later, the kiddos were home from school, done with homework and were outside playing. I thought that I would try the lawn mower again. Maybe it had just needed a break. Little B was awake and as we all know, he truly hates loud sounds. I thought that if I put him on the other side of the lawn with some toys, he would be ok. Oh how wrong I was. I was able to get the mower to start and little B started to instantly freak out. He crawled towards me but I didn't want to turn the mower off because it is so so annoying to get it to work. This is the solution I came up with.

Holy crap! That's all I have to say. I am so glad that I'm not a pioneer woman. I just imagine that they had a small one strapped to them all the time. I was sweating buckets and I only had half of the backyard that needed to be mowed. See all the dirt? That's where the landlord had seeded last fall. Those are the spots we had to water all through December. It's those blasted, barren spots that I was moving the water around when I locked little B in the house last fall. Stupid seed didn't even work. Not that I surprised. Why would you plant seed in the late fall, water it through the cold months of the year and then expect grass to pop up? Anyway, mowing one's yard like this takes f-o-r-e-v-e-r! I couldn't turn the mower, I had to push it forward

and then pull it backwards before I could go forward again. Little B was fine while I held him. But, when I went to switch arms for him to sit on, he had a mild panic attack. I had to bend down and hold onto the thing that keeps the mower on with both hands. Then I could let go with my left hand and pull him into my left arm with that hand while my right hand kept the mower on. He didn't like the couple seconds that he was on the handle of the mower. I learned that when you pull a lawn mower back, if you let go of the blade thingy that's next to the handle, it's WAY easier to pull the mower back. That would have been nice to know last summer. Anyway, I would let go of that thing while I pulled it back, but would have to get it back into my hand before I went forward right? Right

At least my big huge thighs are good for something. They were a huge help as I used them to push the thing up so that I could grab it. If I had known that I was going to get this good of a workout while mowing the lawn, I would have skipped doing it that morning. Speaking of working out, can we just talk about post baby bladder for a minute. ANNOYING is all I have to say. I workout every morning. Well, I shouldn't say every morning. I have a very firm no working out on Friday policy and working out on Saturday? Yeah right! Anyway, while I'm working out I hear annoyingly up-beat voices telling me to keep my stomach in tight while doing any given exercise. I have tried to keep my stomach in tight, but doing so always, every time, without fail results in me peeing my pants. I have to choose, either.. keep my stomach in tight or keep my bladder muscles in tight. No competition there, bladder muscles win every time. Working out is bad enough, I don't need to add in peeing my pants to the mix. To make it even worse is when I'm holding my bladder muscles and I STILL pee. That really makes my blood boil. Maybe I'll just stick to holding a 23 pound moving weight while mowing the lawn for a workout. That gets the job done with no risk of losing control over my bladder muscles!